I have been dreading this day since my oncologist said the words, “You will need chemotherapy.” There were so many questions that ran through my mind. “Will I feel sick? Will I be tired? Will I get that metallic taste in my mouth? Will I lose my hair? Eyebrows? Eyelashes?” UGH! Being a woman, our hair is our comfort and security blanket. We always strive to have a good hair day, but when it rains or is humid (in my case, my hair ended up a frizzy mess and I would always throw it up in a bun or throw a hat on) we dread the bad hair days. I was dreading the NO hair day…
I told myself that I would cut my hair before it started coming out. I was praying that it would stay in so I could do a reading at my grandfather’s funeral. (Thank goodness it did!) From an emotional standpoint, I don’t think I could handle seeing it come out in chunks or in the shower. I just didn’t want to see that. So I was proactive and made an appointment with the salon that gave me my wig (Salon at 10 on Newbury Street in Boston. They are AHHHH-MAZING!). The day worked out perfectly because it was starting to fall out very slowly.
I was nervous all day. To the point where I started to feel sick to my stomach. I knew I had to do this, but I was absolutely dreading it. I didn’t want people to know I was sick. I want to kick cancer in the ass for taking hair from women, but I knew I HAD to do this. So we arrived at the salon with my sisters, mom, and boyfriend. I needed to have my support system with me. I was able to donate the rest of my hair and that made me feel great. Once they started shaving my head, I knew there was no turning back. We all had a great cry and my family was able to see me with a messy short hair cut and with no hair. (They still won’t tell me if I looked like a boy!) I didn’t see them cut my hair in the mirror; I wasn’t quite ready yet. I just think that God is giving me another chance to have the hair of my dreams. I just have to wait a few months!
I have a beautiful new wig which I call Sally. Yes, I named my wig! She looks just like my real hair but she will always be straight and frizz-free (YES!). I was so afraid to see myself with no hair. My boyfriend told me to only look in the mirror when I am ready. He said I looked beautiful without hair and I thought he was just saying that! But I know he would never lie to me. I was going to sleep with my wig on and then realized why? Why am I going to sleep with this on? Why am I afraid to look at myself in the mirror? Why SHOULD I be afraid? I’m still myself, just with no curls.
Hair does not define who a person is. Yes, it can be a sense of comfort, but having no hair can be so empowering. I felt so empowered that I helped someone else in need and that I took control of this awful situation. Looking back at myself in the mirror, I realized that I looked pretty good without hair, which was definitely surprising. I believe that every woman would look great with no hair. I was absolutely dreading this and I am so happy it’s over. I am so proud of myself for facing this and completing another step in this journey. Staying positive makes all of the difference in the world. So we then ordered Chinese food and had a beer. Another day where I have gained strength and courage… CHECK!