I’m finally starting to feel more like myself (FINALLY!). It’s great because I want to do everything and eat everything (including buffalo chicken, brownies, pasta, YUM) in sight because I can finally taste. The bad thing is, I have my third chemo coming up on Monday and I’m going to feel like crap again. It’s like climbing a mountain and you are almost at the top and then a big gust of wind comes and pushes you to the bottom. It definitely can be discouraging, but I keep telling myself everything is temporary and this feeling will end soon. I’m not going to lie, sometimes it definitely just sucks.
Throughout this journey, I have learned a lot about myself. I’ve also learned that I have a lot of strength and courage that I never thought I had. I’ve also realized how important it is to be patient and kind to yourself. I’m trying not to be so hard on myself and if I can’t do something, it’s okay.
A perfect example was last Saturday night, I had plans with a good friend who I haven’t seen in awhile. The whole day I felt great. We were meeting for dinner at 6:30. Around 4pm, I started to feel so tired that I couldn’t get out of bed and I just didn’t feel right. I was going to push myself to go to the dinner and then I thought, “I need to listen to my body. My body clearly doesn’t want to go out tonight.” I felt so bad canceling on my friend, but of course she is awesome and completely understood. Feeling so upset, I couldn’t believe that cancer was ruining my social plans! I hated that it was doing this to me.
Each day, I’m learning to be patient and kind with myself. It’s also okay to tell people no or to ask for help. These are two things I didn’t do much before because I’ve always considered myself an independent person. Throughout this journey, you will need help and it’s okay to ask for it. Take each day as it comes.
My advice to you if you are on this journey or even if you aren’t: Be patient and kind to YOURSELF. It’s okay to be a little selfish. YOU deserve it.