When everyone else’s life seems to go on

It’s been awhile since I wrote a blog post and I wanted to say I am so sorry! The 4th round of chemo came like a huge hurricane and wiped away all of my energy. I didn’t get off the couch for a few days and it was horrible! I didn’t want to do anything but lay down all day. For people who know me, you know that is NOT me. I’m always doing something or going somewhere.

I’ve been thinking a lot and of course wondering how this has happened to me because I am so healthy. Then again, I keep telling myself that cancer doesn’t discriminate. However, it’s also hard when everyone else’s life seems to go on. I don’t mean this in a bad way, but it’s so difficult to be struggling for your life with constant doctors appointments, getting injected with poison and feeling so sick that you can’t move. It’s hard to see others happy and smiling like nothing is wrong. Everyone has a battle they are dealing with but because of social media these days, we are constantly reminded of the happiness in other people’s lives. If they are really happy, we will never know but the constant reminders make me feel a bit down.

Feeling left out is also another feeling I am struggling with. When I feel so sick that I can’t move, I feel like I’m missing out on spending time with my friends and family. My mom’s birthday was this past weekend and I wasn’t able to go out to dinner with everyone. I felt so awful that I couldn’t be a part of the fun. I hate the feeling of others having fun without me.

I just want my life to be NORMAL. Is this bad to think? I want to eat food that doesn’t taste like metal or plastic. I want long flowing hair that I can throw up in a bun. I want to go on a vacation and just relax with a pina colada. (This WILL happen when I am done, I promise you. 😉 ) I want to wake up early for work, go to work, come home, make dinner and hang out with my boyfriend and dog feeling happy. I want to live my life knowing that this cancer will NEVER come back, but of course, we don’t know what the future has in store for us. I don’t want to constantly worry. I just want to be happy with my life. It’s that simple.

As for now, I have to keep checking treatments off my calendar and thinking about how AMAZING I am going to feel when I am done. Everything is temporary and treatment will soon be over!

Be kind to yourself.

xo,

Monique

 

4 thoughts on “When everyone else’s life seems to go on

  1. Hi hun I’m hearing you loud and clear girl, but there no such thing as normal. I had to learn this and I still have to remind .myself of this. I’m always here for you to talk anything. Keep smileing and staying strong!! Xoxox

    1. Hi Erin! I definitely know what you mean, but something CLOSE to normal would be nice, right? I’m thinking of you and I know you are strong! 🙂

  2. Life and Other Turbulence March 31, 2016 — 4:35 am

    Just think of all the fun you’ll have enjoying your favorite foods once again! Not too much longer now…soon this will all be in your rear view mirror. Not forgotten, but a faded memory. ‘Normal’ will never quite be the same even when your health is fully restored…but your new normal will feel OH SO GOOD when this is all behind you. Keep your mind busy with movies, good books, knitting…anything that keeps your mind distracted. I created a playlist on my phone called UPBEAT and had my earplugs in constantly during my roughest days, listening to toe tapping music I love. The chemo I’m on now isn’t nearly as difficult, but I have to say…I continue to listen to that playlist quite regularly…plugged in to a portable mini speaker and cranked up louder than it should be when I shower in the mornings! Starts my day off with an uplifting mood. ((hugs)) to you..xo

    1. Hello! I’m so sorry for the delay! I responded to you and for some reason it never posted! I cannot wait for the new normal. What is on your playlist? I’m always looking for new songs! I’m praying for you and hoping for your normal to come back soon too! Hugs to you as well! xoxo

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